where i went wrong
“Wanna see crazy? I’ll give you crazy!” --Johnny Depp
I went wrong by matching his energy. They say two wrongs don’t make a right, but try telling this to a girl who has been repeatedly used and abused. Being on the receiving end of his interrogation and name-calling. Having my phone call log scanned by his jealous eyes. Being treated like his personal punching bag. Those were all bad enough. But I had to learn the hard way that responding out of character was one way he had control over me.
Have you ever lost control? Ever had someone push you so hard that you respond with words and actions that you would never dream of speaking or doing?
You don’t care enough about me to be committed to this relationship? Well, right back at ya! Take that...and that...and THAT!
Yeah, I’ve been there too. But I soon realized how exhausting it was to play a role, a character, a persona -- and not receive a paycheck for it. I mean, if I’m gonna be a method actor, I would definitely hope that it’s for a blockbuster film, or hit TV show. When Johnny Depp goes off on someone who mistreats him on screen, at least he gets PAID. But in this real-life relationship, this is the person you want me to be -- the person under your control, the person whose negative behavior justifies your negative behavior -- so you have a built-in excuse for all the toxic stuff you’ve done. But after dealing with this for so long, I grew tired of giving you the go ahead to dump on me and proceeded on the journey to Take Back My Life.
On your personal journey to Take Back Your Life, the important thing about knowing who you are is not allowing ANYONE to taint your value. You need to have a crystal clear understanding of who God created you to be and that’s not some caricature drawn by a shabby artist pretending to love you but doesn’t truly know how to -- probably because he doesn’t really love himself and he definitely doesn’t love God.
You were created by the Potter’s hands, and when He saw his creation was marred, He started (you) over again. Think about that for a moment. You were created, from water and dirt, molded and carefully shaped as He saw fit, and your Creator said you were good. Too good to allow someone to swoop into your life like a chaotic storm, toss you around a bit, and recreate you into the person they want you to be. Talk about being swept off your feet! If you accept that role, you'll forever be under some maniac's control...and that's where you go wrong.